Although I have blogged quite regularly the last few weeks has seen a slow down in my posting, life has been hurtling around my family and me at 1000mph and I just have not had the time to sit down and post...
Firstly, an update on Grandad, he is OK, still very shaky on his feet, still in pain with his back and finding it hard to get comfortable. He has to go back to the Dr's and see what they can do to help. He has lost a lot of weight in the past year and his appetite has dwindled. His memory is not what it used to be either. All in all, not his best year, however, he is still an awesome man and I love him fiercely. I am still afraid of what will (and to be honest, to all of us) happen and enjoy as much time as I can with him at the moment.
Mum, is not well either, she has recently been diagnosed with ME and has been medically retired from work. She is also in a lot of pain (when mum says a lot, she means a lot!), the strange thing is, its the leg she should have no feeling in, so either the nerve damage is recovering (some 20 years down the line) or it is phantom pain. Either way she is back on crutches and trying to look after Grandad.
Kerry is as usual, my rock. Don't get me wrong, she moans at me a lot, normally for things I should have done, could have done, would have done, She gets stressed out very easily and I don't understand that, of course I get into bad moods from time to time and snap back, but all in all she is still my rock and I give her as much of a hard time as she gives me. I love her so much and I think she is the most amazing person in the world. She balances work, home life and the children in a way that leaves me stunned as when I try and help or do it, it always goes wrong.
Callum, what can I say about Callum? Well he is a polite and articulate young 14 year old, at least that's what we get told. We get the usual grunts and moans and give get me buy me I wants as all parents do. I have a couple of surprises up my sleeve for Callum over the next few months and I really hope he enjoys them and rises to the challenge... watch this space!
Kathleen.... Has just turned 11, we went out and had a meal together with some of her friends. Apparently parties are so childish... I am constantly floored by Kathleen, I am trying so hard to let her go and make her own way and accept what it is she wants, (especially clothes) however, she is 11 and my little girl and I know better than most what boys can be like. Its scary, I think I will end up in prison over this one!
Brandon, the little whirlwind that he is. Brandon makes me smile and laugh nearly every day. Never likes doing what he is told, always argues back and throws a tantrum like you wouldn't believe! All that being said, he is loving and kind and has a big heart. He has a quick brain and is quite intelligent, he will break some hearts and his quick brain gives me some headaches, even if he does only hear what he wants to.
Albert is a year old next week, I don't know where the time has gone. He has developed his own personality which seems a mix of all the children's but has a lot of Kerry and I's traits. He appears to have my temper and Kerry's patience (not a good mix!) and likes to get his own way. He seems quite bright and is into everything although lazy and wont walk, although I am sure he can. I would not mind betting he is dancing and moon walking across the lounge when no one is watching!
Diet, well, the last 2 weeks have been hard on Kerry and I. It is party season within our families and we have strayed from the path. That being said we both managed a loss last week and we have a weigh in tonight. I am fairly sure we will not have lost anything this week, but who knows? Kerry is looking great and everyone has noticed her figure changing (except Kerry of course).
So that's the brief update in a nutshell.... I will try and post more and a little more frequently... Really enjoying life at the moment, even if that does seem to include a crap load of DIY (which I hate) but with the help and guidance of the Father-In-Law I am sure we will get there.
Stay safe....
I cant believe a week has passed already and its weigh in day today. I am nervous for a couple of reasons 1) not had the healthiest diet this week and 2) I have to go to a different group.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have not cheated on this diet, not once this week, which when you consider I am out and about and working 15 hours a day at the moment, is pretty amazing! I have been grabbing bits from tescos when I need them and doing my best to eat healthy. My main diet is fruit, with a meal of rice and chicken breasts during the shift. I have eaten out twice in a week once was a jacket potato, salad and baked beans (YAY go me, I live dangerously) and the last meal was noodles with, yip, you guessed it, chicken!
The second reason I am a bit nervous is going to a new group, now don't get me wrong I haven't moved or changed, I just cant get back to the normal group the fantastic 4 attends on Tuesday, so I have found one near where I was working. Even when it came to weighing in I wasn't sure I would do it.
I turned up, parked the van, took a deep breath and walked in.... nothing happened. I walked over to the desk and paid my weekly "I'm fat so I have to pay to attend tax" where the lady introduced herself and made small talk for about a minute. Went and weighed in, the lady there said well done and then I walked out. No drama, no fuss, no pointing and laughing. To be honest this group seemed a bit younger than our normal group and the counsellor didn't once mention her condition. If I am still working near hear next week I will probably go to this group again, I might even stay to group session as well, time permitting.
So, how did it go? Well I lost 7.5 lbs this week (3.4Kg) which i thought was quite good, but I missed my 10% body mass award by 3lbs.... so next week I will smash that one out as well! Go ME!
So lets recap briefly, starting weight 30St 8lbs (194.14Kg) 4 weeks dieting..... weigh in at 27st 11.5lbs a loss of 2st 10.5lbs (38.5lbs or 17.46Kg) not bad going really! Although I would like to claim this success as mine, it is truly dependant upon the support team I have in Kerry (without whom non of this would be happening), Dan and Kellie, as well as everyone else. So thanks everyone!
The rest of the fantastic 4 also lost this week!! Go F4!! Bringing our weekly total to 14.5lbs!! Another week down and another stone gone between us!
Our total weight loss to date is 79lbs!!! (35.83Kg or 5 Stone 9 lbs) that's half an adult human being! (normal size, not my size lol). In 4 weeks? See we truly are the Fantastic 4!! Keep it up peeps.
Here is to a leaner fitter summer!
This weekend proved a real test of the 
Hello, I am back, sorry about the absence but life took over and I really could not be bothered to expend the energy needed to walk up the stairs to get the laptops :o) (that's better, and more truthful)
This post should have been finished and out Wednesday, however, it is now Thursday and I have still have not finished it... So pretend it is Wednesday and it will all make more sense!
Tuesday is weigh in day for the fab 4 (Kerry, Kellie, Dan and I) and it is with some interpretation that we approached it this week. Firstly, we all got off to a roaring start last week, secondly we have all been talking today about how rough we feel. Now lets get this right, I don't mean rough as in ill, I mean rough as in bloated, lethargic, generally not right.
Add that to my scepticism, about how you can eat so much food and lose weight, Kerry's abnormal insistence that her body will not lose weight or if it does its half a pound a week. The mood was generally down... also if we are honest none of the 4 of us actually like our counsellor, she is at best 'Walter Mitty' and at worse simply incompetent! However, the timing of the group is right for the 4 of us all to make it, so it is what we have. (We also happen to be the loudest, most opinionated and youngest members of the group I think!)
This week there was some faces we had not seen before, the 4 of them sat at the back next to us and promptly started eating! (I have to add that these 4 are also quite thin!). This set Dan off on an incandescent rage, which strangely enough he held back on when he blogged, but catch the post here... However, we duly lined up, paid our money, took our turns on the scales and then sat through an hour of psycho babble and poorly explained nutritional advice. Now please dont get me wrong I dont think the diet is overly bad, and I dont think the organisation that runs it is particularly bad either, in fact, if you have to go to a fat club then it is one of the 3 I would suggest. Its just our counsellor...
Now.... the weigh in itself... this week I lost 9lbs (4.08 Kilos) giving me a total loss of 26.5lbs (1 Stone 12.5lbs, 12.02 Kilos) which is not too shabby and won me slimmer of the week. The others all lost as well with safe, healthy sustainable amounts. This week the fab 4 lost 17lbs together, bringing our running total to date up to..... weight for it.... (sorry could not resist)..... 52lbs!!!! (3 Stone 10lbs)
Well done to all 4 of us!!! Way to go team!!! Keep it up!!!
Todays thought....
3rd May Food Diary
08:00 Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, Baked Beans
08:30 Coffee
09:00 Grapes 200g
11:00 Coffee
13:30 6 Ryvita wholemeal crispbreads (B), 4 Laughing Cow Light Triangles (A), 2 Slices Lean Ham, Sweet Chili Chicken (1.5 Syns)
14:00 Coffee
14:10 Strawberry's, Raspberry's, Blueberry's, Blackberry's, Grapes, Melon, Pineapple, Muller Light Yogurt Vanilla
15:00 Apple
16:00 Coffee, Sugar (1 Syn)
17:50 Tuna, New Potato's, Cabbage, Broccoli, Cauliflower
18:00 Coffee, Muller Light Yogurt Cherry
21:00 Strawberry's, Raspberry's, Blueberry's, Blackberry's, Grapes, Melon, Pineapple, Apple, Banana, Muller Light Yogurt Cherry, 2 Mini Meringues (2 Syns)
22:30 Hi-Fi light bar (3 Syns)
Thought for the day....
2nd May Food Diary
05:50 250ml Skimmed Milk (A) 35g Porridge (B) Coffee
07:30 500ml H2O
08:35 Activia Snack pot Peach (.5 Syns)
08:40 Apple
11:00 H2O
11:40 Apple
12:10 Tuna Pasta, Cucumber, Sweetcorn, Onions, Light Mayo (2 Syns)
13:10 H2O, Strawberry's, Raspberry's, Blueberry's, Blackberry's, Melon, Pineapple, Grapes, Muller Yogurt Vanilla
14:30 Coffee
15:40 Coffee
19:00 1 Litre H2O
20:45 35ml 18 Year Old Malt Whiskey (4 Syns)
20:55 300ml Dr Pepper Diet
21:00 Lean Beef mince, Potato's, Salad, Rice, Onion
21:05 300ml Dr Pepper Diet
Today seemed a little bit easier on the diet, although I had run out of water whilst at work which was a major blow. Its amazing still how much water I drink and how much it means to me. In the past when I have helped people diet and lose weight, I have always, always expounded on the virtues of water, water and more water. Most 'normal' human beings need 8 glasses of water a day (roughly 2 litres) but for us flabby people out there we need much more. Maybe as much as double, I know when I am training and dieting my water intake goes through the roof. It is not unusual to find me downing 3-5 litres per day for a couple of reasons. Firstly when I do any form of physical activity I tend to do it to its most intense, as a result, I sweat. Not a little, but a lot. So I need to replace that fluid. Secondly, the more water you drink the less room for food and you feel less hungry. So running out of water in the middle of the morning was quite hard on me.
Other than that, the diet went quite well, it is certainly easier having everything with me at work and just picking up a carrier bag full of the days food each morning. Now I wish that I could say it was me preparing it all, but it is not, in fact I prepare very little of it. The kudos on keeping me on track has to go to Kerry. Yet again a super star. Sorting out food for the whole day the day before, and making sure everyone in the house has what they need. Round of applause for Kerry!!
To go alongside the diet, I have started training again, not in kick boxing, (although I intend to once my weight is down) but at my children's GKR Karate club. I went to my first class last night and took part in one of the most intense kicking drills I have done in a long time. To be fair, my balance was off, my kicks were week, my muscles burned and hurt, but I kept up with them all. I did every single exercise. 90 Min's of leg burning fun, started with some stretching and warm ups, then pyramid kicks across the tops of chairs, front kicks, round kicks and side kicks. More stretching, some running drills games, then into Kata. When I had finished the lesson i was soaked and sore and tired and knew that I had a set of legs even if they did not feel like mine. Shower, food, bed. Sleep.......
This morning, I expected my legs to be full of lactic acid, I mean it has been 3 years and I am 14 stone heavier. However, I woke up this morning and stretched gingerly in bed, awaiting the familiar pain of not being able to move, but nope, nothing, I am a little stiff and my back hurts a bit, but my legs are fine. So that is a positive. More training on Saturday!
1st May Food Diary
06:35 Sugar Free Red Bull
07:09 2x Hi-Fi light bars (B)
07:30 300 ml Dr Pepper Diet
09:20 Muller Light Yogurt Strawberry and Cranberry
11:40 Sugar Free Red Bull, Apple
12:00 Melon, Grapes, Pineapple, Strawberry, Blackberry, Blueberry, Raspberry
13:10 Apple
14:50 Coffee
16:00 4x Ryvita Wholemeal crispbreads (4 Syns), 4x Laughing Cow light triangles (A),
Pickled Onions, Lean Ham, Sweet Chili Chicken (1.5 Syns)
16:10 500ml H2O
18:10 Coffee
20:35 1litre H2O
20:45 Cottage Pie, Butternut Squash, Cauliflower, Carrots
21:30 Melon, Grapes, Pineapple, Strawberry, Blackberry, Blueberry, Raspberry,
Muller Light Yogurt Vanilla, 3 Mini Meringues (3 Syns)
Today was a difficult day on the diet, not for temptation, but for time to stop and eat. So I ate most things on the run and had to wait till late to eat lunch (as I discovered making up crispbreads whilst driving is bad). Having said that, I still did not cheat when I went into the service stations, I still did not feel that hungry at any point and I still made some good food decisions (well, Kerry did, as she prepares everything). All in all this first week has been OK. I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been all roses (in fact no Roses, as chocolates are not allowed) and I have struggled to see how this diet will work for me, but I have not cheated and I have followed it to the gram.
There is 4 of us on this healthy eating kick, Kerry, Dan, Kellie and I and we all got weighed in tonight. All of us lost weight. Dan and I have already managed to turn it into a competition of sorts, friendly of course, but bantering a bit in the weigh in cue etc. (I won this week heehee, but to be fair I had the most to lose).
This week I lost 1 stone and 3.5 lbs (remember the .5, its important!) which equates to 17.5 lbs (for the Americans) and 7.94 Kilos (for the Europeans). A massive loss. None of which I could have done without the support of everyone, especially Kerry as she plans all our food (and works full time, and looks after the children, and looks after me, and had laser eye surgery this week!) and she is my super woman.
How do I feel mentally? Hmmm, I expected the big loss, and to be fair if I had not achieved it I would have had the right hump, however, I did not expect that much. I was pleased when they told me, very pleased, however I know next weeks will not be as big. I am under no illusions with dieting, have been there too long and done too many stupid things to my body. I know how my body acts and reacts to foods, training etc. Everyone keeps telling me its amazing that I can lose weight so fast, I am not sure everyone appreciates the hard work that goes into it. Comments are made along the lines of its easy for you it falls of you, you lose weight so fast, and you have done it before. None of these are particularly motivational, in fact some of them are hurtful in a weird way. I still smile and respond with a positive. I seem to be in a good place emotionally, certainly I am ready for the next week ahead.
Today's thought... You'll be amazed at what you can do and how well you can do it.
07:15 500ml H2O
07:40 Coffee (Black with sweetener)
07:50 2x Bacon, 2x Eggs Scrambled, Baked Beans, Mushrooms
09:00 Coffee, Muller Light Yogurt Cherry
11:50 Apple and Banana
12:30 6x Ryvita Wholemeal Crackerbread (A), 4x Laughing Cow Light
12:40 Coffee
14:10 Coffee
15:45 Melon, Pineapple, Apple, Blackberry's, Strawberry's, Blueberry's, Raspberry,
16:10 Coffee
18:15 500ml H2O
19:30 300ml Dr Pepper (Diet) Chicken Curry and Rice
20:00 Muller Light Yogurt (Vanilla)
20:45 300ml Dr Pepper (Diet), Hi-Fi Chocolate Bliss Deluxe (6 Syns)
It was a strange day today, firstly Kerry went off to get her eyes lasered (thankfully everything went well) she can now see without glasses, saving us hundreds of pounds a year in glasses and contact lenses. Except that I had not taken into account the fact that Gucci sunglasses cost £250!! Kerry has a pair now and they look very nice....
Secondly, I was in the office and in the base lab today, which is not my normal home... but it went well enough and I have now been signed off so I can do bulk analysis. It was strange having the 'office' staff around all day. There was a few questions on food and diets, but mostly they left me be. Most of them were wondering how long I would stick at it. To be fair, only time will tell.
I feel a lot better today about the diet, more positive, although I still have no idea how it works, the science behind it, or more confusingly, why it works. I am looking forward to the weigh in to see if all of this hard work and planning has paid off. I hope it has, although I still feel fat. Especially in the office today.
Today's thought.... Everything has a purpose, even this, and it's up to you to find it.
29th April Food Diary
08:15 2x Poached Eggs, 2x Lean Bacon, Mushrooms, Baked Beans, Tomato Sauce (1 Syn)
1x Wholemeal Bread (3 Syns)
08:30 Coffee
09:40 500ml H2O
12:30 Pineapple, Melon, Apple, Blackberry's, Strawberry's, Banana,
Muller Light Vanilla Yogurt, 3 Mini Meringues (3 Syns)
13:30 Apple
14:00 Lean Roast Beef, Roast Potato's, Carrots, Cauliflower, Broccoli, Cabbage,
Runner Beans, 2x Yorkshire (4 Syns)
16:00 Apple
18:20 300ml Dr Pepper (diet)
19:00 Ryvita Dark Rye Crispbreads (B), Laughing Cow Light Cheese Triangles (A),
Lean Ham, Pickled Onions
20:15 300ml H2O and 400g Grapes
21:45 Vanilla Muller Light, Blueberry's, Blackberry's, Raspberry's, Strawberry's,
Apple, Banana, Melon, Pineapple, 3 Mini Meringues (3 Syns)
Today was a hard day on the diet, not for any particular reason, just found it hard. Kerry made a great roast dinner which was filling, and I ate a lot of fruit as per usual (I still cant see how we are going to lose weight eating all this fruit and potato's etc) but I had to go into co-op and but some drinks for the family, on my own..... Now this did leave me in a bit of a dilemma... Firstly, I don't feel like I am losing weight, secondly I don't trust the diet, and thirdly, well who would know if I did buy a sneaky chocolate bar?
I didn't buy any chocolate or sweets or anything I shouldn't have. I went home and had some more fruit. If nothing else I can be honest and say I have given this diet a proper chance and have followed it strictly this first week. I don't feel any better and I don't feel any thinner, Tuesday night will tell I guess. Even if this diet does work, it is not as easy or as straight forward as The Diet Plate is to use, in fact I may have to dig mine out and start using that as well as the Slimming World diet, can't hurt to use them in conjunction?
Have not done any more training today, was meant to, just didn't find the time, or motivation. We did watch the girl with the dragon tattoo thought, the new one.... its good, but I have a sneaky suspicion the book is better, I get this idea, as Kerry kept saying it all the way through the film!... It was nice to snuggle up with Kerry though, even if I do whinge about the films she picks...
28th April Food Diary
07:30 Omelette with Ham, Mushroom and Onion. (1.5 Syns)
08:30 500ml H2O
12:05 Banana
12:15 Muller light Cherry
13:30 Coffee (Black+Sweetener)
15:30 Coffee
16:30 Burgers, Chips and beans. Tomato Sauce (1 Syn)
16:50 750ml H2O
17:00 Lemsip Blackcurrant (0.5 Syns)
17:45 Pineapple, Blackberry, Strawberry, Banana, Apple, Muller light Cherry,
3 Mini Meringues (3 Syns)
18:30 500ml Dr Pepper Zero
20:00 Coffee
21:00 2x W.W Danish bread toasted (B) + Laughing cow light triangles (A)
21:55 500ml H2O
Today was a good day diet wise, in fact apart from being ill it was a good day all round. We started the day by running the children around to Karate and football etc. Kathleen's Karate lesson was excellent and I am really proud of her for starting at a new Dojo. This part of the day was fine, we took with us what we were allowed to eat. No problems!
We got home and spoke to the in-laws. We decided to pop round for a coffee. They had a little present for us and it was really nice of them (more about that on another post). Then it was decided we would stay for the day. I have to be honest I love my in-laws to bits, they are the nicest people and genuinely care about all of the family. Spending a day with them is quite normal and hugely enjoyable, however, it also tends to be quite food and booze filled. Now that's not a bad thing, in fact I rather enjoy it, but having just started a diet.... well you can see what I am getting at. My father-in-law (Les) is also a very hard man to say no too, if you order a drink it is always a large one, and if you at his house, its a quadrupole!
I have to be honest and say, this was not what I had planned.....
Having said that, Les has got a brand new Bravia 3D TV, and transformers Dark Side of the Moon 3D... so it was rude not to stay and watch it... the children watched it first (we only have 4 pairs of glasses) whilst Les and I played with new gift. Kerry ran home and picked up the ingredients for our planned lunch, arrived back and started cooking... all was going well. Les then suggested we went to the shop and got some snacks in for the film. Kerry and I dived into the books to see what we could have today that would not blow our points. Kerry settled on a curly wurly (6 Syns) and I on 50g Toffee Popcorn (10 Syns). Les and I shot of to the shop, now this is normally where I would fill up with junk and to be fair I was sorely tempted, Kerry would not know! However, I didn't we picked up the supplies minus the popcorn as they did not have any and headed home. Whilst the film was on I had my usual fruit, yogurt and meringue's.... yummy.
I was impressed with Les and Ed (Mother-in-law) as neither of them offered us a drink, which to be fair I would have rationalised away the syns and fit at least 1 in if I am honest. It was quite a change for them as well, as normally they would have a drink whilst we were there... so maybe this diet is good for all of us?
It was a very enjoyable day all round and the film in 3D was excellent, although it took some getting used to! The only down side (if you can call it that) is that we did not fit in any exercise... still 1 day at a time....
Todays thought is... Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all.
27 April Food Diary
06:00 Apple
06:45 Black Coffee and Sweetener
07:30 2x Bacon 2x Eggs, Baked Beans and Mushrooms
07:45 Black Coffee and Sweeter
09:00 750ml H2O
09:30 Apple
11:40 2x Hi-Fi light bars (B)
12:00 Banana
12:35 Apple
12:55 Lemsip (0.5 Syns) 1 sugar (1 Syn)
13:10 Lean Ham, 2 x Eggs, Lettuce, Cucumber, Red Onion
and Low Fat Cesar Salad Dressing
15:50 Lemsip (0.5 Syns) and Black Coffee
17:45 500ml H2O
17:50 Quorn, Baby Sweetcorn, Mange Tout, Water Chestnuts, Chilli's, Carrots, Ginger
and Cabbage
20:30 Pineapple, Blackberry's, Strawberry's, Apple, Muller Light Cherry,
3 Mini Meringues (3 Syns) and 30g Cheddar (A)
Not such a great day today, diet went OK but I am beginning to feel ill, it is probably just a cold, but I hate not being able to breath, so all in all an OK day.
On a much better note Kerry and I did about 45 minutes training with the pads and gloves last night. It was great being able to help Kerry learn to punch properly, she had a couple of combinations down and even started kicking as well! I think Kerry really wanted to punch me as she was getting carried away with the training. When Kerry held the pads for me it was interesting, trying to teach her how to hold pads and punch them at the same time, as well as trying not to hurt her.... but we managed it and both of us were knackered and out of breath by the end of it.
Thought for today... There is no starting or stopping - only doing.
26 April 2012 Food Diary
07:30 Tea
09:00 Tea + Sugar (1 Syn)
10:40 Diet Coke
13:00 180g Pineapple
13:10 Sugar Free Redbull
13:20 Muller Light Strawberry
13:30 Melon, Apple, Grapes and Strawberry 300g
15:25 Melon, Apple, Grapes and Strawberry 300g
16:30 750ml H2O
18:50 750ml H2O
19:35 Luscious Lemon Hi-FI Bar (B)
20:00 Black Coffee + Sweetener
21:00 2x Chicken Breast wrapped in lean bacon, Broccoli, Carrots, Cauliflower
Jacket Potato with 2 tsp lurpack Lighter (3 syns) 50g Feta (A)
21:30 Muller Light Cherry
21:40 Black Coffee + Sweetener
So that was day 2, as mentioned on yesterdays blog, woke up with a pounding headache which took most of the day to go. Today was quite hectic and I did not get to eat till late, but even so, not a bad day.
We now have the shopping in for the diet so should get a bit easier now and allow us to eat proper breakfasts etc, although it has to be said I am a great fan of fruit, always have been.... don't know why I stopped eating it in the first place really...
Did not get to do any exercise today, but Kerry and I are planning a pad session at home tonight. Think it will be the first time she uses her pink gloves in anger! I am really looking forward to it. I love training, I am a bit concerned as Kerry finds it difficult to hold pads for me and I do not want to hurt her! In reality, it has been a long time since I trained. I know I wont be able to do what my body used to do, but I am scared that it will be worse than I imagine... its not easy moving 30stone... especially quickly...
Feeling OK today, not great, due mainly to a cold, but not bad either. Feeling good about the food choices I have made the last couple of days.. RAWRRRR
One thought... The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination....
Food Diary
05:40 Black Tea 1 Sugar
06:45 Black Coffee 1 Sugar
07:30 Black Coffee 1 Sugar
09:40 Black Coffee
10:00 Fruit Salad Pineapple, Apple, Melon, Mango, Strawberry's and Blackberries
10:30 1 Litre H2O
13:30 Black Coffee Sweetener
14:00 6 Laughing Cow Light Triangles, 6 Ryvita Crispbreads Wholegrain, 2 Slices Lean Ham
18:20 500ml Diet Sprite
20:40 Bachelors Chinese Rice
That was it... I felt hungry at points but not starving... Dan saved my life at lunch time. with an amazingly tasty crispbread cheese triangle and slice of ham... with or without black pepper, it actually tasted OK, the only one thing I would say is that crispbreads are still crispbreads..
Had to stop at McDonald's for the passengers on way home last night (whilst being hungry) and I did not have anything, just a diet sprite, so I was quite proud of that!
How do I feel about the diet? well slightly empowered, very confused at the moment as I am working out what I can and cant eat, and trying to work out why pasta and potatoes are free foods? Really?
This morning I have woken up with a pounding headache....
For those that have followed me since 2007, you will know I have been through some massive ups and downs. One of the biggest downs was when the Dr told me I would be dead within 3 years if I did not sort my life out. This was the single event that triggered my weight loss. Nothing like facing your own mortality at 29 years of age. I was started on the Lipotrim diet by the Dr and was under the hospital. Weekly weigh-ins and weekly supplies of shakes (the Lipotrim diet is a meal replacement system) followed for a while and I lost about 5 or 6 stone straight away. The down side was how ill I felt, it would come and go, but it felt like I had flu for a long time. I passed out in the bathroom one day which gave me a shock; I badly bruised my ribs, neck and smashed my head on the toilet. I don’t know how long I was out for, but it was a while. That spelt the end of the Lipotrim diet for me. One of my clients at the time ran a diet company (The Diet Plate) and I switched onto this system. Now I am naturally sceptical and I scoffed at how a system which was as simple as this would work, but work it did and I carried on losing weight.
During this time I started kick boxing again and this culminated in being able to represent England at the WKC world championships in 2009. It was a good time in my life; I looked good, felt good and was amazingly fit. Now don’t get me wrong, the next 3 years of my life have been and continue to be amazing, I have met Kerry, have an amazing family, a good job which I enjoy and an amazing lifestyle. However, the stopping training, and the amazing lifestyle (fine dinning, staying at top hotels and eating at top restaurants, the hectic family life and working on the road) have taken there toll on my body. I have been unhappy with myself for some time as I have slowly been gaining weight. I am now (as of last night) back up to 30 stone 8 lbs. I am not sure how I feel about this really; I mean I have noticed for some time now that I have fallen back into ‘fat people’ habits. Eating over the sink, snacking, grazing all day long, playing the services game whilst on the road etc. These have all sneaked back into my life.
I have also noticed people’s reaction to myself, the snide comments, the pointing and laughing from youngsters. This has made me feel terrible, I have been here before. It hurts, the thing I feel worse about, more than anything else is Kerry wanted to go to Ireland for a weekend in August for a birthday treat, but I can not fit into the airline seats… So we can’t go. Yes I know there are other ways of getting to Ireland, and I am looking into them and I am sure we will get there, but the fear of having to try and get on an aeroplane whilst at this size struck a cord that won’t go away.
There is also something new I am facing this time around, and this is not something I have discussed or mentioned too many people. When I was big before, the weight had come on over a period of time, years in fact, but I had remained active. I fell into a group the Dr laughing referred to as very fit fat people. This time around though, the weight has come on so fast my body has not kept up with it. What I mean by this is I am now a different shape, I carry most of my weight around my torso, but I am inactive and my muscles have not kept up with the weight gain. What this actually means is that now I am in constant pain. My back hurts like never before, some small amount of ‘bone’ pain but mostly muscular pain, that sometimes goes into spasm and makes it very hard to move. My thighs and calves hurt like never before, and what I believe is happening is that my muscles are constantly straining and tearing to move my bulk around, which again means it is very difficult to move or do any exercise. The point being proved by playing in a charity football match against my son’s football team which left me in now small amount of agony for 3 weeks afterwards, even now I am still in pain. Certain things that we take for granted as every day things are proving harder and harder to do. I am not sleeping properly (nothing to do with the baby, honest) and even laying down I remain in pain, and I have started snoring. I find it hard to stay awake during the day and I am beginning to suspect I am suffering from a mild case of sleep apnoea, but I hope not.
So, that is where I am physically, where am I mentally and how do I feel about all of this? This is one of the hardest blog posts I have ever written, so please bear with me. I am afraid; I am scared that I won’t ever be able to get back to where I was. I am terrified that I won’t be able to stop the weight gain, or lose weight. I am struggling with motivation even now and even after admitting to myself and others about the situation I am in.
I don’t like myself indeed that is an understatement. I loath myself, I hate the person that looks back at me in the mirror, does this make me change something? No, it makes me eat more. Can I do what I did last time? I really don’t know. I have a family now; I only managed to lose weight last time by having a house that quite literally had no food in it at all, that is not possible now. Its like an addiction, I associate good and bad memories with food, if I get stressed I eat, if I am happy I eat more, if I am sad I eat.
I hate myself for it. I rationalise what I do to myself, to a degree anyway. I sneak food and eat in secret at times. I have even bought sweets in one shop then driven to another shop and bought more sweets so people don’t look at me and think no wonder he is gross, look at what he is eating. I mean they might not think like that, but in my head they do. I sometimes think Kerry and the kids would be better served with someone else in there life rather than a partner and father who is this big, sometimes I wonder if it is worth carrying on at all, don’t worry I am not suicidal, but I would be lying if I did not admit to that feeling being there from time to time, especially when I lie and make excuses to the children for not doing something.
So that is where I am at right now… I hate myself, I loathe what I have become, I am terrified, but I have started a journey.
I have started at slimming world now (well as of last night) and I am trying to do something. I am going to use this blog for what it was originally set up, which is to record my fight against the flab. I have pondered on the idea of trying to place a bet on losing weight but know very little about betting or if anyone would take such a bet.
All comments are welcome and encouraged, all I ask is you bear in mind I am a real human being with feelings and I am trying to be open and honest.
(Posted by James, FIXED AGAIN by Dan...)
Hello one and all. Sorry for the break, life got a bit hectic!! As is the way of life, I guess.
Anyhow, as the title says, Im still going strong and training hard. Work is going well and everything is falling into place, slowly but surely.
I have no idea what my weight is, but people have started commenting on the fact that I am losing weight again, so I guess I am. :o)
As mentioned previously I am training hard, very hard. Stephen Primrose is pushing me hard and we had a great training session on Sunday with Tawatchai Budsadee. A great time spent with an amazingly experianced fighter. Many thanks for your time and comments!!!
The Diet Plate is working for me again, and I am begining to get used to using it all the time once more.
I think I will weigh myself next Monday, just to see how I am going, I want to get to 115 kilos or 18 stone 1 lb or 253 lbs, although not near this yet, I dont imagine it will take me too long with the Diet and the training. I am looking forward to yet again buying a new wardrobe!!
Hello all, what an exciting week so far!!!!
Firstly the weekend, I took part in the WKA English open. I made it to the semi finals and finished 3rd. I got a Bronze medal and picked for the England squad!!! Wahoo!!!
Then on Tuesday, I had a researcher from the BBC spend some time doing a camera test with me for a program they are doing on weight loss, they thought my story was great and I am waiting to hear if I made it into the program and if so when I have to go and do it for real!!!
Have lapsed on the diet these last few days, all the excitment and the tiredness, has done my me in, I think tis due to the adrenaline, loads of it on Sunday, as you fight and wait and fight and wait, then with the BBC again, I didnt think it was that bad till afterwards when I noticed my hands shaking lol...
I loved it...
Anyhow, will keep you informed as I know more...
Hello... Wednesday, Midweek... OK so I am bored.... but shh don't tell the boss lol...
I trained yesterday twice, once at Evade (which is undergoing some major renovations and installing a fitness suite, whatever one of them is) and again at The Chi Centre in Macclesfield with Steve Primrose... both were very different but good sessions. Heavy pad work session at Evade, and lots of fitness training and conditioning with Primo... All in all today my body aches... not the excruciating build up of lactic acid I suffered a while ago after training at Beast Masters, but it aches, my quads ache and so do my forearms.
So training is back on track... wahoooo... well for this week anyway. Tom Cox, from Evade asked me to go to his lesson tonight as they are sparing, and I am going to try and make it, although I know the timing is going to be tight...
Food... well actually the food side is going OK, I did eat some stupid sugary jelly sweets yesterday, as I missed my evening meal and got hungry and snacked... Dam... Note to all diet followers out there, don't skip meals.... note to self... try harder and do better...
The Diet Plate portions are back on track and I am using the plate and bowl regularly, and I am feeling better for it as well. Just goes to show what balance of food does for your body.
September the 24Th there is a seminar in London by Dan Millman, at the mind body spirit festival, it costs £40 and that's without travel and sorting out digs for the night... :o( So as much as I want to go I guess I wont be... Would be great to meet the man and listen to what he has to say. His books have helped me no end. Especially the now much acclaimed Way of the Peaceful Warrior series...
A quick note of thanks to Claire for the advice and help and kind comments. You can read her blog here
Hello one and all..... So I said I was going to get back on my diet and I didn't.... I know I know.... However, today is the day!!! Have weighed myself, so not good as I am back up to 21 stone 10 or 304lbs..... that's so not good..... and I have lost a lot of muscle mass as well due to the inability to train.
Hello, once again...... I really am getting into the swing of this blogging thing huh? Lets see, training at Evade was great on Thursday, I trained with Dave Breed and he put us through our paces, with a good conditioning workout using weights, some self defence drills and then a blast on the pads to finish it off with. I loved the workout although it was hard, and I have been paying for it over the last two days with a huge lactic acid build up in my thighs.
In the office Thursday I met Simon the MD from PushOn a specialist online marketing company. It was a great meeting, I was really impressed with there attitude and portfolio. After that I had to put the finishing touches on a presentation I was doing for a meeting on Friday.... so after rewriting it at least twice, it ended up 52 pages long and midnight when I thought, that's enough.... Fell into bed and passed out, and strangely enough I don't remember thinking about smoking.....
So the morning of Friday, I was awake and ready to go.... slightly nervous and anxious as this meeting was important for me. Got a text from Steve Primrose informing me he had officially stopped smoking!!!! Great news!!! Keep up the good work mate.... The down side is Steve (King of the ring welter weight kick boxing world champion) Also trains me, the end of the message was want to train Sunday? For the first time ever I thought about this..... by Sunday he is going to be ratty..... this could hurt.... lol. Still he is professional and in both our busy lives I cant afford to miss a training session.... so I will let you know how bad it was on Monday...
So the meeting, it was fine, I did well remembered the main facts and had the figures at my finger tips when cross examined on several points, I think all in all I did well. Dr Ian Campbell was there and it was a privilege to spend time with and speak to the UK's leading obesity specialist.
Friday night was the tester.... went and saw some friends and had a drink.... they all smoke and I have to say so did I, however, I only smoked 3 cigarettes and only half of each of them... I hated the taste and I hate the smell, in fact it almost makes me nauseous. This morning was the worst, how could I have smoked for so long, my mouth felt horrible and the taste, well it was disgusting. I am convinced more than ever now that I will not smoke again.
So what on today's menu? This morning I had my usual breakfast of porridge, using The Diet Plate Bowl. I am out at a Charity event during the day today, so I will try and find a sandwich to eat for lunch, and try and stay away from the cakes on offer!!! This evening I will have an early tea Chicken Korma and rice from my local. I have a treat every Saturday, its not bad as I measure it out on The Diet Plate, I love this diet, eat whatever you want in the right portions. The tag line 'portion control made easy' is so honest and simple. If you want to try it then buy the complete weight management system (it works out cheaper than buying them singularly, like I did).
My thighs still hurt.... have I mentioned that? I took my dogs out for a walk this morning to try and break down the lactic acid, it has helped, but they still hurt....
Oh well, I probably wont get on tomorrow, so I will see you all Monday with the new weigh in.... fingers crossed....
Stay Safe
Today is Thursday, its morning (approx 9am) and I am sat here in the office dieing for a cigarette.... has it only been 2/3 days? I feel better for not smoking, apart from the cough and sore throat which I am told will get better within a couple of months... The cravings are not too bad, but my temper has become shorter, much shorter..... so please bare with me if I rant, rave, threaten and generally act like an idiot....
So shoot me down... I am quite proud of my weight loss, it has been a long hard slog, self discipline, and self control have played huge parts, even self deprivation (OK a bit melodramatic, but that's how it feels). So can you imagine how I feel when I see someone of 70 stone losing half of it, because of surgery? Now don't get me wrong I am all for helping everyone, and for people becoming the best they can be. However for most people to get to that size they eat on average 16k+ calories a day, now to put that amount of calories into your body you have to train your body to take it, pretty much like an athlete trains to get fit, but in reverse. So as much as I feel sorry for them, I also feel they have to take some responsibility for there own actions..... Also someone has to 'enable' them to get to that size, normally a close personal friend/partner or family member. Why is this? Its simple, once a person gets too big to move and is bed ridden, then someone has to a)look after them and clean them and b) bring them food!!! So who is at fault? well its two fold, firstly it is the person for getting that big (yes I know genetics, environment, depression, money etc play a part) and they have to accept some responsibility. Secondly, it is the fault of the enabler, because as soon as they are bed ridden if you only bought them tuna or fresh food or no food, they would have to a) move to get it, meaning they would burn up calories, or b) go hungry meaning they would lose weight. Yes I know this sounds severe but its a fact. Yes it may sound like torture, but then what diet isn't?
Anyhow, that's enough ranting for now.... its now 9:30 and i have to go training at Evade. See you all laters....
Stay Safe
