Although I have blogged quite regularly the last few weeks has seen a slow down in my posting, life has been hurtling around my family and me at 1000mph and I just have not had the time to sit down and post...
Firstly, an update on Grandad, he is OK, still very shaky on his feet, still in pain with his back and finding it hard to get comfortable. He has to go back to the Dr's and see what they can do to help. He has lost a lot of weight in the past year and his appetite has dwindled. His memory is not what it used to be either. All in all, not his best year, however, he is still an awesome man and I love him fiercely. I am still afraid of what will (and to be honest, to all of us) happen and enjoy as much time as I can with him at the moment.
Mum, is not well either, she has recently been diagnosed with ME and has been medically retired from work. She is also in a lot of pain (when mum says a lot, she means a lot!), the strange thing is, its the leg she should have no feeling in, so either the nerve damage is recovering (some 20 years down the line) or it is phantom pain. Either way she is back on crutches and trying to look after Grandad.
Kerry is as usual, my rock. Don't get me wrong, she moans at me a lot, normally for things I should have done, could have done, would have done, She gets stressed out very easily and I don't understand that, of course I get into bad moods from time to time and snap back, but all in all she is still my rock and I give her as much of a hard time as she gives me. I love her so much and I think she is the most amazing person in the world. She balances work, home life and the children in a way that leaves me stunned as when I try and help or do it, it always goes wrong.
Callum, what can I say about Callum? Well he is a polite and articulate young 14 year old, at least that's what we get told. We get the usual grunts and moans and give get me buy me I wants as all parents do. I have a couple of surprises up my sleeve for Callum over the next few months and I really hope he enjoys them and rises to the challenge... watch this space!
Kathleen.... Has just turned 11, we went out and had a meal together with some of her friends. Apparently parties are so childish... I am constantly floored by Kathleen, I am trying so hard to let her go and make her own way and accept what it is she wants, (especially clothes) however, she is 11 and my little girl and I know better than most what boys can be like. Its scary, I think I will end up in prison over this one!
Brandon, the little whirlwind that he is. Brandon makes me smile and laugh nearly every day. Never likes doing what he is told, always argues back and throws a tantrum like you wouldn't believe! All that being said, he is loving and kind and has a big heart. He has a quick brain and is quite intelligent, he will break some hearts and his quick brain gives me some headaches, even if he does only hear what he wants to.
Albert is a year old next week, I don't know where the time has gone. He has developed his own personality which seems a mix of all the children's but has a lot of Kerry and I's traits. He appears to have my temper and Kerry's patience (not a good mix!) and likes to get his own way. He seems quite bright and is into everything although lazy and wont walk, although I am sure he can. I would not mind betting he is dancing and moon walking across the lounge when no one is watching!
Diet, well, the last 2 weeks have been hard on Kerry and I. It is party season within our families and we have strayed from the path. That being said we both managed a loss last week and we have a weigh in tonight. I am fairly sure we will not have lost anything this week, but who knows? Kerry is looking great and everyone has noticed her figure changing (except Kerry of course).
So that's the brief update in a nutshell.... I will try and post more and a little more frequently... Really enjoying life at the moment, even if that does seem to include a crap load of DIY (which I hate) but with the help and guidance of the Father-In-Law I am sure we will get there.
Stay safe....
I have to admit that I have been wanting to blog all day, to unburden myself of this weight that I have been playing over and over in my mind, and yes to admitting to being scared and afraid.
You see, as many of you who read this will know I am rather fond, if not totally in awe of my Grandfather (see Here is to the Grandads) and yes he is older now than he was and yes he is doing remarkably well. Recently has not been his best health time and nor do I expect it to, but late last night I got a phone call, just before midnight. You know you can hear the phone ringing, you know it is late, you know the voice on the other end is your mums, and you register the sentence, "it's Grandad, he has had a fall, but he is OK, I'm just letting you know" and you know the feeling as the icy fingers encircle your heart and squeeze.
The upshot of the conversation was mum saying thee was no need to go round and nothing I could do, (the neighbour is a nurse and has patched him up) and it was just to let me know that she would not be round today. Sleep returned un-easily and was disturbed most of the night.
Today I went to work and mum kept updating me on Grandad, he is OK, in a lot of pain with his back, cant move very well isn't mobile etc. Dr has been out and given him pain killers, bed rest for a couple of days etc... unless he keeps falling over in which case a trip to hospital and some scans. All very run of the mill stuff. I am close to my grandad so pop in on my way home from work. He is asleep ad I sit looking at I'm for a few minutes before going to talk to mum. Some thing is obviously wrong, firstly he is asleep on his side and my Grandad never sleeps on his side, secondly his breathing is shallow and seems a long time between breaths and thirdly he looks small and old.
I go and see mum and we have a coffee, when I check back grandad is awake, although a little disorientated and in a lot of pain, we talk about the fall, he does not remember much of it and admits to losing his balance and being unconscious (Grandad never admits to anything, especially when health is at hand, even when he had several cases of skin cancer throughout his life it was just a little thing and a bit of a nuisance) and he isn't really with it. I spend 30 minutes or so chatting to him and make my way home.
I have to admit to being worried, I know he is getting older and I know he is beginning to slow down (although the Grand kids keep him young) I have this nagging feeling way down deep that I keep pushing away that this may be the start of the end, but I refuse to let it surface much. I keep telling my self I am over reacting, but the feeling is still there. I know death is nothing to be afraid of, I know it is just a change, "Death is just a transformation, It’s a little bit more radical than puberty but nothing to get particularly upset about. Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is most people don’t live at all" (to quote one of my favourite books) and he has certainly lived! But to be honest, on a purely selfish note, I will miss him and his guidance. I know it is me overreacting, but I cant shake the feeling. I am going to see him again tomorrow and hopefully he will be a lot better.
Just a post to share some emotions....
